So my birthday was eleven days ago. I meant to write a journal then, but I completely forgot. Oops.

The night I turned twenty, I was sitting watching Gilligan's island with my family. We were all laughing, and it was fun. When the clock hit midnight, Ama wished me a happy birthday, then I received a text from one of my very dear friends and I texted with him for a bit. After the episode ended, the rest of my family made a big deal over me and my age, then drifted off to bed. I was then faced with the difficult decision of beginning a number of firsts--first song to listen to, first movie to watch, etc. Those things have significance for me. When I'm awake enough to think it through, that is. I don't recall all of my firsts, but I know the first song I listened to was Whispers in the Dark by Skillet and the first thing I deliberately watched was the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring. The first game I played was Angry Birds. But, uh, I like to pretend that doesn't count. Other than that, it was Alice: Madness Returns. I don't recall what the first book I read was, but I think it was either Emma or Alice in the Deadlands.

I was gifted with some really lovely things. And I may have the opportunity to go see Les Miserables as a late birthday present as well. That would be really neat. I love that musical. Really, I just love musicals.

But that brings me back to the conflict that's been battering my mind since the clock struck twelve--what am I going to do with my life? It's not that I don't have any dreams or goals--it's a matter of having too many. There are so many things that I want to do and so many things that I could do, but I don't think I could do all of them at once. I have to make some choices, but I can't seem to manage it. I'm incredibly torn about my future, and turning twenty just reminded me that I am likely a quarter of the way through my life and still unsure as to what I want to do. Yes, I'm still young, but in ten years I'll be less so. In five years, I'd like to be looking to start a family. But what about then? My thoughts and decisions are simply in chaos.

This week is my spring break, however, and I've decided to use to the time to try to figure some things out. And to use the time to make some progress on things. I'm going to be working on costumes, reorganizing the house, learning more of languages, practicing my sketching, and working on some more design sketches. I probably won't share any of the results for a while, but I hope to get stuff done.

And that is about all the musings I have at the moment. I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick, so it's a bit difficult to think. Regardless, I;n glad I jotted some of these thoughts down.

No galu govad gen, mellon.